Justin the Mighty :: Wordy

Talked to Twitch today. He means a lot to me (which he knows) and I love getting a chance to talk to him. I’m a fairly nice person, but my overall… hmmm… I’m not sure how to explain it. It’s not so much my personality, but the way I present myself. I don’t really trust people and I think that comes across as me being a weirdo, as opposed to me being overly cautious. *shrugs* As I was saying, my overall “way” makes it hard for me to meet new people (as well as hold onto the friends I’ve made in the past), so I genuinely try to make the most of the limited time I get to share with the people I care about.

With Twitch… it’s so hard. I love him and he’s one of my best friends, and he sincerely wants me to be happy (and I him), but we tend to hit this wall after a while. It’s like… something is always said (or done) that completely wipes out all the happy moments we may have had during the conversation. It’s sort of like when you’re having a party and you’re singing and dancing, then someone comes by and starts telling you a story about how they watched their mother being devoured alive by a Serbian wolverine. There’s nothing that can be said to bring back the original joy of the party. I often feel that way with Twitch.

Look… I’d talk to him for hours, even if all we did was yell at each other. That would honestly be better to me than to not talk to him at all. But I just wish I could figure out why we can seldom talk without it all going horribly awry. We mean a lot to one another and it should be easier than this. We’ve been friends for six or seven years. It’s not like we don’t get along. We don’t even really fight, as such. It’s more that we come to a point when we mutually depress each other. It doesn’t happen all the time. There have been plenty of perfectly awesome moments between us. But all too often, things fall apart.

On top of this, my best friend is basically on silent mode with me as of late. *sigh*

I guess this entry won’t actually help me in any way, but at least venting a bit will keep my brain from turning to oatmeal. I think I’ll go sit in the tub and try to block out the world. Thanks for reading.

Until next time…